The custom of celebrating lovers or loved ones dates back centuries. There are many legends about the martyr and Saint, Valentino. In every story, he becomes a victim for not behaving as ordered. For example, it is said that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians who were persecuted under the Roman Empire.
He would even give flowers from his garden to the couples. Eventually, he was executed on or around the 14th of February. At least that is what is said in one of the legends.
The custom of celebrating Valentine’s Day on February 14th started in London. Only later did it spread out to other countries. The flower and sugar industry took advantage of this and now, it is almost a must that men buy their ladies a “valentine” on this day.
I think it is a nice idea, on this particular day, to tell your sweetheart, “I love you” with flowers, a card or any other way. However, what if this custom wilts down to a habit because of cultural pressure, like the exchange of gifts at Christmas or on birthdays? So many of these actions have become a meaningless habit.
I am often asked, “What should I give my dad for Christmas?” or “What should I give to my wife for her birthday?”
Since we live in an affluent society, most of us have more than we really need. This dad and this wife most likely don’t need another book or another pair of socks. Books are downloaded nowadays and socks are bought when needed. I usually tell the people who ask me these questions, “Why don’t you just ask the person directly?”
An acquaintance of mine answered me accordingly the other day saying, “Oh well, you know, then my wife will say, “I don’t need anything, don’t bother.”
“So why do you bother then? Take her seriously and honor her wish!” I replied.
“Oh no, I couldn’t do that. I think she would still like to have something, maybe just a surprise present,” the man told me.
I continued and said, “You really might surprise her if you didn’t give her anything.”
“My acquaintance looked puzzled. “But I have to give her something!”
I tried to explain to him that a present doesn’t always have to be a thing, a materialistic object. I said that it might even be a nicer present to listen to her and take her seriously. I also told him that if she was disappointed, maybe they would finally start to talk things out, start to be honest with each other and walk the talk.
My acquaintance still looked uncertain but admitted, “You might be right.” But I could tell that he most likely wouldn’t follow through with my suggestion.
Well, at least for Valentine’s Day it is not so much a question of what to give. It is pretty clear to get either flowers, write a card, give some candy, or all three. It might be more the question if to give at all. First, a gift was just meant to express the love to your sweetheart, but then it extended more and more to everybody around you. Teachers make a class project of writing a valentine card to each and every classmate. Then it is expected that you give something to your parents, to each of your children and to son and daughter-in-laws. Of course, don’t forget your many friends. What if you write a card to one but not another? They might get jealous. And so it goes on and on. Instead of expressing your appreciation to someone special in your life, it becomes a stressful chore, and this, so soon after the hectic Christmas season.
Is that all it is? Isn’t it more than getting stressed out, than buying gifts that our loved ones might not even need or want? For me, it is definitely more than that. It seems we are so great at creating more and more stress in our life instead of more and more quiet time.
When it comes time to send a card or a gift, I sit back and feel and think, who is truly important in my life and with whom would I really like to keep contact. Or, who could really use a boost of love and appreciation at this time? Then I could honestly offer a gift of love to him or her.
Why does it seem to be so hard to stand up to our true values, to our true inner feelings, express them and act accordingly?
Why not take the opportunity and give yourself a valentine? Give yourself a few minutes on February 14th and meditate about Saint Valentino. He didn’t care about the rules. He didn’t care what other people said or thought. He did not comply with the regulations of the Roman Emperor’s law. He stayed true to himself even though he must have known he would risk getting imprisoned and even executed if he did not follow the law.
He followed the only law one has to follow, the law of his own heart. By doing this, he was free indeed. He must not have identified with his body. He must have known that even if he was in prison or killed, his true self would not be imprisoned and could never be destroyed. If we follow these outer rules, it might look right to the world. But by doing so, we imprison and eventually execute ourselves.
As for myself, I will make sure that on this Valentine’s Day, I follow my heart and am true to myself. I know it will give me an incredibly good feeling I recognize when I do what I am meant to do.
And, I can still give a flower to the special people I really care for!