To have resilience is almost like having an emergency supply of food. When times get tough, we need to have that extra strength to go the extra mile.
Athletes as well as business people, politicians as well as emergency doctors, mothers and fathers of small children, actually everyone who is facing extraordinary challenges know that an extra dose of endurance, strength, tenacity, hardiness, persistence, stamina, patience, and perseverance is needed. If I were to combine all those traits into one word, it would be resilience.
In unprecedented times like we all live in right now it is most valuable to be resilient in many ways. It is almost like standing on a bridge over a river, which is likely to collapse any minute. It’s good to stay calm and courageous, but it’s also helpful to know how to swim.
Recently, I had the opportunity to practice becoming more resilient in the face of adversity myself. One of my daughters-in-law doesn’t want to see me nor will talk to me since I made clear, that I would not be her babysitter on a regular basis. I am not even allowed to visit their home now. This means I will not be included in family or holiday gatherings. It is a sad situation and one I would not wish on anyone. In situations like this, I can practice forgiveness and loving kindness regardless of what or who is at fault, accept the challenge, look at my actions, accepting what is. On the bright side, my son and I remain on good terms, and I can see the grandchildren with him.
Here’s another example. For many years I have been volunteering, visiting an old lady in the elder home in my town. The last time I went to see her I found out that she had passed away that very morning. It left me sad, and I would have liked to say goodbye, at least to her body. However, I was denied all information since I was not a relative. The only relative she had was a niece who lives in Boston, USA. Fortunately, I am in contact with her, and I will be able to go to the funeral. In this situation, would reacting and getting angry at the staff have helped? No. Again, I had to accept and learn to live with the circumstances and build my resilience to not getting what I had hoped for.
So how do we build resilience? By staying calm and looking at our own behavior and resistance in difficult times. That’s our training ground. When life serves us challenges, we have a chance to either give up or face them head-on. With each difficulty, we have a chance to train and strengthen our ability to build resilience. At least that’s how I experience it. My late Buddhist Lama used to call it Practice in Action. Life presents us with a good amount of practice material.
Accepting that which I cannot change might still leave me speechless, feeling a little helpless, sad, or angry, but not for too long. I have learned not to allow other people’s negative behavior to get me down or influence my life. We all need to learn our life lessons. And, if I am the one who is pressing a button on someone else, just like I grow from having mine pressed, it might teach them how to build their resilience to their life’s difficulties.
There is room for all of us to build our resilience and stay calm and untouched by outer influences. This is true whether your challenge is with a family matter, a work situation, or anything you have an aversion to.
What a great practicing field we have! All I can say is thank you for the opportunity to learn and grow.