“If you are not for me, then you are against me!” I don’t remember who said this. It seems, however, to be the point of view of many people. It looks obvious. You can’t be both, only one way or the other, black or white.
Really? When I was still teaching the advanced classes of ‘Autogenic Training’*, I used to do an exercise with my students. We all sat around a table. Two students sitting across from one another would describe what the world looked like to them. One person would say, “I see this green plant and a window and a stack of chairs.” The other person would say, “Oh no, this is not true. I see something much different. I see a blue picture on the wall and a rack of hooks on the other wall, with jackets hanging on them.” I think you get the point. We could go on and on discussing who is right and who is wrong.
I would then have them change places to see the other person’s view. It was easy for them to agree that both of them were completely right looking from the seat they sat in. It made it pretty clear to all of us, that when we don’t take the opportunity to see things from the perspective of another, we instead argue about who’s right and who’s wrong.
For the next exercise, I would let my students stand at the entrance door of the classroom so they would have an overview of the whole room. This way, they could see the green plant and the blue picture, the stack of chairs and the rack of hooks with the jackets.
Unfortunately, in life, it is not as simple to change places and look at it from the other person’s perspective as it is in a classroom setting. Why? Because we are sort of fixed to the chair we sit in. Our ‘seats’ become our belief systems. Our culture, our rules and regulations often based on our family’s perspective, become fixed. To see from another’s perspective, we’d have to study their background to understand why he or she thinks the way they do.
I don’t think we always need to do this. I found that I only have to acknowledge the fact that my version of seeing the world is not the one and only reality but one of many, many more. As long as I can accept the fact that there are other points of view, even if I can’t see them, I am fine, for the most part.
But, what happens when the perception of another is so foreign to me that I feel threatened? The election of the new president of the United States, which seems to divide a whole country, is a good example. Talking to Americans it seems to me that if one is against Trump, it means one is against the person who is for Trump and vice versa. It looks to me like people take their preferences very personally. Friendships and relationships break apart because of these diverse points of view. I definitely don’t favor the new president, but since I am not an American citizen, I am more neutral and events and situations related to the president and his orders does not affect me as directly as my American friends.
How could citizens of the United States resolve their differences? I remember the exercise I did with my students having them all stand at the entrance door to look out over the whole classroom. Though a political situation is more intense and people are more invested in their beliefs, I believe it is still possible. What I try in moments like this is to shoot myself to the moon, so to speak. I then look down on our planet earth, seeing all the millions and millions of people running around trying to do something, whether it’s as small as washing dishes or as big as running a country. I see this blue-green planet within all the stars from a much wider angle. It makes me wonder if there is a greater plan in all. I feel there must be. Even if I don’t understand it, do I always have to understand everything? Not really.
What if I would be neither for nor against? I remember a vision of my highly respected teacher Jasmuheen. She is an Australian spiritual teacher I used to go into retreat with. On such an occasion she shared a vision she had one night:
“I was standing with lots of other spectators watching a football game. There was this woman next to me who kept pulling my arm encouraging me to favor one team. She said, ‘You have to cheer them on. It is very important that they win.’ I kept watching a while longer, but did not feel like cheering, although this woman next to me kept punching me, saying, ‘Cheer them on, they just have to win or we will be lost!’ I did not pay attention to her any longer but looked up and saw the most magnificent sky. It was so beautiful that I turned my head in awe. I started to walk back through the crowd looking up. Then I realized some other people also looked up and saw the beauty. They turned around as well and kept looking up. More and more people followed suit. In the end, there was but this one woman left, still cheering. The football players didn’t hear her. All they saw was an empty stadium and therefore stopped playing. It didn’t make any sense and was no more fun without having spectators cheering them on. Both teams shook hands with each other and they too left.”
I have decided to be one of those who doesn’t support any team any longer. I decided not to be for, nor against, but to look up and see the magnificent sky, the whole. By participating in any way, we give strength and energy to a situation. By walking away, we weaken and eventually starve out the destructing forces. No more need for pros or cons.
* If you would like to know more about Autogenic Training check my website: www.corcoach.ch