Traveling to Maui/HI, I flew with American Airways. As usual, before take-off, the stewardess explained the safety procedures. These days this is accomplished by showing a video, which turns the worst-case scenarios into a harmless movie. I don’t know how often I have seen or heard these instructions but this time when the friendly female voice explained about the oxygen mask it caught my attention, and I listened carefully.
As she repeated the sentence and reminded us once again, “and remember, always put your life mask on first before you help children or others,” my thoughts clung to her reminder. I started to ponder about its deeper meaning.
Of course, I think, It makes absolute sense. How could I possibly help someone else if I don’t have enough air for myself? Running out of air at the altitude we were flying could happen quickly.
I continue my thought process and wonder, Do I follow suit with this advice in my everyday life? There are so many situations where I have to choose whether to put the life mask on myself first or first take care of someone who is asking me for a favor.
It seems to me that I learned early on to put the mask on others first, since I was brought up to be polite to others and help others. I was brought up to yield to others who are weaker than me. Then, after becoming a mother I had to learn to let go of many things I would have liked to do or have for the benefit of my children who needed care and support.
Though with all this, I learned that it could be very rewarding to renounce my needs, but I also experienced exhaustion from overdoing, overworking and helping others. In the same way I also know many people, clients and friends of mine who complain about being exhausted from working too much, helping out too much, doing too much, etc.. When I ask them or myself a deeper question about why we do so much, it most always comes down to the fact that we don’t give ourselves enough rest but put everything and everybody first and ourselves last.
I guess this is like putting the life mask on others first before ourselves. To address this symptom in our society there is a phrase: work-life-balance. Why does it seem so difficult to find this balance nowadays?
Well, maybe the current U.S. president knows who comes first: America! Although, I don’t think the life-mask reminder is meant in this way!
After thinking about my true needs and not just my wishes, I think about the basic ingredients that make my life a happy one. This includes spending time with my loved ones, in nature, and in silence doing nothing. These are the things that bring me back to balance, not chasing after the latest fad, making even more money. It’s slowing down and breathing, pausing and smelling the flowers on my way that brings me happiness. Knowing this, how then do I apply, “putting on my life mask first” in daily life?
Sometimes I face a dilemma when my daughters-in-law ask me to babysit, but I already have an appointment. When I have to go to the doctors, it seems easy to say no. However, if I have “only” plans to go to my neighbor for a cup of tea, the decision becomes more difficult. What is more important? To babysit my grandchildren, which is often quite exhausting (just to get there takes me two hours of driving) or to have a relaxing cup of tea with a dear friend? More and more I dare to put me first. Now, at the retirement age, I allow myself to choose being over the doing.
When I was still working in my practice, I would often double book clients who seemed particularly desperate. Often, I would be so tired in the evening that I could hardly make myself dinner. I guess, then, I often placed the life mask on others before myself. Making the right decision in these everyday life situations is not always easy. However, if I truly listen to my heart I know what to do.
My New Year Resolution is to listen even more carefully to my heart, which lets me know when I have to put on the life mask first. It might as well be a matter of life and death, of staying healthy and strong and ultimately being of service to others more than if I exhaust myself and burn out.
How about you? Do you know when to put your life mask on first?