For my tenth birthday my father gave me a diary. It was dusky pink and made of leather and had a brass padlock with a tiny key. I thought this was the greatest gift I ever received and was very proud of it. From then on, I became a writer, of course not a writer who publishes books, but a diary writer.
I still keep all my diaries. Once in a while I randomly pick one and read what was important to me at that age. On one of the pages I found a sentence I wrote when I was a teenager. It read “One day I would like to climb to the top of a high mountain and think about life.” But for a long time I got carried away and forgot about this because the dual-natured world became so fascinating.
About 30 years later sitting on top of a mountain, I remembered.
I was taking courses with a shaman-teacher studying the Indian-American medicine wheel. We were sent out into nature to meditate and find answers to questions like: What is life all about? What is my purpose in it? Where do I come from? The course was supposed to end after three years, but since none of the participants had found reliable answers to these questions, we asked the teacher to share more of her wisdom with us.
For the next 20 years I stayed with my shaman-teacher. During this time, I was also introduced to a Tibetan Lama. I studied Buddhism with him for more than ten years. I was also searching for answers in books and other courses and seminars.
I did find answers but with each answer there came a number of new questions. My search for the truth seemed a never-ending task. With each new door I opened, I again found myself still “not knowing.” Each time I thought I knew “it,” there was another door to another room I did not know anything about. At times I felt pretty frustrated.
Then one day I stopped looking for an end, I stopped looking for another teacher. In one of my quests, I received the answer: “Empower yourself!”
I did not need authority from outside any longer. I had become my own authority.
I finally realized that I was entitled to enter into and explore all realms my consciousness can access. I myself had the potential and capability to create, to access, to dream into being, to align to and therefore to experience deeply, any dimension of my choosing. The quest had an end. What a relief!
But I haven’t stopped getting teachings. The difference is that the teachings are not coming from a highly renowned teacher, although they might. Most of the time they come in form of a situation, a very casual meeting, sometimes with a total stranger.
Life itself presents them to us. They can be disguised and unrecognizable because we think that only a well-known important person can deliver a “teaching.” But wisdom has nothing to do with mental-knowledge or fame. Wisdom and love come from the heart and not from knowledge. Wisdom and love can come from children or grownups or even from people society tends to look down on.
My life stories are those teachings that I have received and learned from. I would like to share them with you. See Blog.