Death is something so natural and yet, most of us try to push it aside. It’s as if we think it is something that happens to other people, but not to me!
In some cultures or religions, the inevitable is handled in a more inclusive way. For instance, in Buddhism, it is recommended to value this life knowing that death could happen at any time. To ignore or even deny the death is considered ignorant. So why do many of us do it anyway?
Involved with, keeping company, and taking care of the elderly, I am confronted more and more with the fact that life does end. I have been pondering why it might be that people are afraid of death. Is it the unknown? Is it the uncertainty of what will follow? Is it the fear of being punished, fueled by certain belief systems? Is it the grasping and clinging to the present life, not wanting to let go? Or is it the reluctance to accept change?
When I think back about the deaths I have encountered so far, like my grandpa, my dad, my mom, some friends or those in my neighborhood, or beloved animals, I realize that it was always the abrupt finality of death and that there was no way of changing that fact. It was a going away with no coming back, a leaving into an unknown land where I had no entry.
But that is only one aspect of dying, one we usually think of when talking about death.
There are many other forms where we experience death possibly without realizing it. And it might be just as painful or even more so. In French there is a saying, Partir, c’est toujours un peu mourir. Meaning, To say goodbye is always to die a little.
Having lived in several countries, numerous towns and areas, and different homes, I have often experienced a similar feeling. Many times, I cried leaving a beautiful place, not knowing whether I would ever come back to it. I remember having to leave a lovely home in South Carolina where my family and I enjoyed several happy years. I was sure that never, ever again would I live in a place matching this one, that there would never again be a time where I was so happy. Life taught me differently. And in time, with each move, I was still sad but knew from experience that something nice was waiting for me, if not even nicer. It would be different, but still beautiful. I gained confidence in change, knowing that to say goodbye didn’t need to mean I had to die.
There is still another aspect of death. There is the famous saying from the Egyptian mythology, To rise like a phoenix from the ashes, which might mean to make a strong comeback or recovery after a severe setback or failure; to emerge from a devastating situation renewed, revitalized, or reborn. As a child I came down with a severe illness. After my recovery, I was stronger, as my immune system was boosted. One of my sons had a bike accident, which set him off work for many weeks. He was very worried and unhappy. While he was recouping, he had time to think, and he changed his job for a much better one.
When I think about my life, I realize that each difficult situation made me stronger, made me more resilient, made me confident that things would get good again, if not better. Therefore, my conclusion is that if we can lose the fear of the future and dare to step into the unknown, we actually gain. Then, when the ultimate end arrives, we are just as courageous and able to pass through the final door with ease and grace.